December 03, 2000

IPO, You PO

Let's see, there was Groucho, and Harpo, and Zeppo, and ...

Actually, as defined by Webster, an IPO is an Initial Public Offering in the stock market. Please don't confuse this process with sacrificing a virgin under a full moon, regardless of any similarities that might occur to you. Of course, the chances that the product offered meets the advertising are slim to none in both cases, but don't let that minor detail sway your decision to jump in feet first. Remember always, greed is good, your stock broker is your friend, and the only way to go is up ...

(to borrow a line from Jacob's Ladder, "DREAM ON ..." )

Time for a little pop quiz. See how you score (YES or NO) on the following:

- I'm a day trader.

- More than half my portfolio is in internet stocks.

- I buy heavily on margins.

- I firmly believe this is not a bubble.

- 1929 wasn't a crash. It was an adjustment.

If you answered YES to more than zero of these questions, you're one of the motley fools the next generation will curse as they grub for protein in the landfills after the Great Collapse. For extra credit, go to the library and look up some photographs circa 1929 of people standing in food lines outside of soup kitchens, and count how many were wearing tophats and spats.

Stock valued at 700% of the initial price less than a year later is theoretically possible; whooda thunk educated professionals could allow this to be true for companies that have yet to show a profit. Even more, in what sane scenario could this happen where projections show losses for the next five years? It's happening now, folks, and it should scare the hell out of normal people everywhere.

OK, you play the lotto, too. So what's the difference? None, really. No matter what they say, behind every stock quote complete with graphs, ratings analysis, and historical performance record is some bozo with a dartboard hoping he's right long enough to take your money and still leave you happy. Keep in mind, even if you do strike it rich, dollar bills will scratch like hell and probably cause some sort of infection when you try wiping your ass with them after the bottom falls out (after all, you never know where they've been...)

The Japanese were also invincible. If you plan to visit Tokyo, don't walk by any corporate high rise towers unless you like to live dangerously. In the Yin-Yang nature of things, as the yen falls, the suicide rate rises. They say you could lose an eye if you're looking up and someone drops a penny out of a 20 story window - imagine taking some corporate executive on the chin who just read the bad news off the ticker and decided to go skydiving without a chute.

Posted by NIFAIRIOUS at December 3, 2000 06:15 PM